Mike was gone last week for five days on a trip. The first day that he leaves I am always COMPLETELY overwhelmed at the thought of "holding down the fort" on my own. Most of it is mental, but I just like to KNOW that if I need him, he is close by. He got home safely and the past several nights I have been up with my youngest with pneumonia. The weariness is starting to set in. As I took my first drink of coffee this morning, I glanced out of my kitchen window and noticed that my grass is turning green. RELIEF....the first sign that spring is around the corner. My tulip leaves are starting to peak up out of the ground.

Now, Michael is wheezing, MillerAnne is wheezing with a fever and so is Josie Love. As I take turns holding each of them my heart breaks. I CANNOT help but to think of all of the children out there that have no one to hold them when they are sick. I KNOW ya'll probably get tired of me speaking about this but I just cant help it. When I speak of "all of the children", one in particular pops into my mind....my sweet little angel.

When we were in Uganda and Josie was running a fever I went to the nurse and asked for some advil that am, she gave it to me and Josie started feeling so much better....when we returned from Kampala late that afternoon, her fever had come back. When Mike went in to ask for more the nurse replied "I gave her some earlier" and Mike replied "10 hours ago." As Mike walked back (advil in hand), I could tell that he was ANGRY. I will never forget giving her that advil thinking...would she have gone to bed with no meds to ease her pain?

Josie KNOWS. Tonight when she started feeling bad, she came up to me held her arms up, said "hold you" and laid her head on my shoulder. She LOVES to be LOVED. She gets the biggest grin on her face every time someone wraps their arms around her. She knows different. The caretakers in her babys home were very loving...but it was not a mommy's love. And it is not a 1:1 ratio, so sadly, she spent many nights alone in a bed, burning hot with a fever, with no one to love her and that is just the cold hard truth. Now that she is mine..that BREAKS me. I know her little wimpers. I know her little breaths when she has a cold. AND I know what her warm tears feel like as they roll down her sweet little cheeks.

SADNESS......that is what my heart feels. I cant help to think that if my heart feels this sad, what my heavenly father must feel. He loves us more than we can fathom, so the heartbreak must be SO MUCH more significant. I CANNOT IMAGINE.

So, while the circles under my eyes look as though i have been awake for months, and my chest is now congested and I am coughing...I feel peace. Peace in my heart that I am making a difference in someone's life. A child's life. MY child's life. Each and every one of my children's lives. Because they have a mommy and a daddy that love them with EVERY inch of our hearts. And I will do EVERYthing in my power to SHOW them how to SHOW God's love.

As I look around, I see A TON of people speaking of God's love. There are many women's and men's bible studies. There are MANY books to read. I see a TON of people attending all of these things and speaking of them...but not much DOING. If there is ANYTHING that I have learned from my sweet friend Katie, it is to SHOW love....not speak it. My heart wants to SHOW love, and it starts in my own home, with my husband, my own children and grows from there.