Gwen and I have said since day 1 that when Josie Love's HIV was undetectable, we were going to have a BIG party! We racked our brains on what to do....Chuck E Cheese, MacDonald's playground, etc....and then it HIT us! Let's do something that EVERYBODY that follows our blogs can do with us!!! SOOOOO, 147 Million Orphans has launched a new "LOVE 1" baseball tee for Josie "Love"!! Because it says LOVE, it makes the PERFECT Valentines Day present...tell your hubby!!! in purchasing this tee, you are helping us celebrate Josie's life, bring awareness to HIV/AIDS, AND feed children worldwide/help give medical care to HIV orphans! Wouldn't it be AWESOME, if half of the US was rockin' a "love 1" tee on valentine's Day? Help us spread the word! Facebook it! Blog it! It also comes with a tag explaining all about HIV?AIDS! We have GOT to help other children JUST LIKE MY SWEET JOSIE LOVE get the help that they need/deserve!! Go here to purchase one!!

After much prayer and a complete peace that Josie belonged to us, Mike and I made our way to Uganda to bring her home:

Day 1: I made my way to find little Josephine. As I entered her room, they had stripped all of them down to just their nappies,ready for breakast! She did not want much to do with me until her tummy was full and THEN she sat in my lap and didn't leave for the while day! As I sat beside her on the floor while she ate I looked into each of those babies eyes and tears spilled out of my eyes. It was very evident that she was very ill and was in need of medical care...little did we know how much....

The next few days were full of paperwork and a preliminary doctors visit before court. After going to the doctor, I had nothing left, so Mike posted:

"The reward for considering the helpless is not just the end result, but the pain, the heart pain, that accompanies it. It is cleansing to hurt when God Himself hurts; it is a good thing."

A good friend of mine gave me that quote 4 years ago when I was struggling with some tough issues surrounding our first adoption. I keep a copy of it in my office so that i am often reminded of its truth. Today it is more real than ever. I really dont even want to write this because I just dont have a lot of words to describe how we are feeling. I just have a pit in my stomach as I write this.

Josie is sick. During a routine exam yesterday, she tested positive for HIV. She had tested negative before so this was a shock to everyone. At this point we have more questions than answers, so we just ask that you pray for us, for Suzanne whose mother's heart is ripped to shreds right now, for Josie that all the diagnoses and treatments would begin asap and that her little body would begin to heal, for our children at home who are also hurting over this news, for wisdom and clarity for our family as we try to process what this means, and that someday we will see the good part of the pain we are feeling. Thank you all for praying. Thats all Ive got right now.

I'll never forget just sitting in the grass at the baby's home, after we heard her diagnosis, holding her small, weak frame on my shoulder and just weeping.

The next few weeks were filled with hurt, anger, desperation and determination to get this little angel home and feeling better. Mike came home to the US, while I stayed in Uganda and finished all of the paperwork/medical care that needed to be in order before we were able to bring her home. Thankfully, the Lord blessed me with Dana Keck and Renee Manuel to be there with me so I was not alone. I would crawl into bed with my sweet friend/sister Katie and and we would cry together. When it came time to leave and come back to the US without Josie, I pulled her out of the baby's home and left her with Katie and Auntie Kristene who cared for her. They fed her, loved her, and gave her the medical care that she needed.

Aunti Kristene..my angel on earth

Auntie Renee...prayer warrier

Autie Kate...who Josie loves more than ANYTHING or ANYBODY on earth

Auntie Dana letting Asher call home and talk to his daddy and brothers and sister...the adoption process was a difficult one that will FOREVER bond our mothers hearts together!

After several weeks of being home, WAITING for the paperwork to approve Josie's homecoming, I traveled back to Uganda alone to bring her home. Once my feet hit American soil, the next few months were full of chicken pox, doctors visits, chest x-rays, a LOT of blood drawn, a TB nurse coming to my house everyday for a year to get rid of the TB, eye doctors visits, and eye surgery. Looking back it is really all a blur....it was a COMPLETE whirlwind of medical events!

(haha)

My cell phone just buzzed...a text from my husband: "I think your account is empty" which is his sweet way of saying that I have bounced a few checks. This isn't the first time that this has happened, thankfully, I have an overdraft protection on my checking account.

When I read his text, my mind automatically went to "well, so is my emotional account, my energy account, and my spiritual account!" hahahha. I don't know about you guys, but we had a FABULOUS Christmas. I LOVE being with family and eating! I took Josie back to the doctor, we had a few days back in school (just enough to get good and tired and cranky during the transition back into school bedtimes, tests, etc....) and BAM! the snow hit. So, four days straight of more eating and TONS of friends to play with. I have not seen my pantry as cleaned out in YEARS...down to the bare bones! My party is definitely pooped!

I woke up yesterday at 5:30am and took my computer into my laundry room so that I could listen to some worship music while folding laundry. I was dreading the task, so I thought "I'll just worship while I work...after all, who can be grumpy while worshipping?" As each child came down the stairs, I found myself turning my music up louder and louder. (My children do not wake up slowly, they wake up with a BURST of energy BOUNCING down the stairs...much to my dismay.) If they were calling, I sure didn't hear, I was singing "Our God" by Chris Tomlin, hanging on to EVERY word of it. In the back of my mind, I had decided that I am not REALLY called to this life that I am leading. And if I am called to it, then maybe I am making it more complicated that it has to be. So, I start thinking through my days, trying to "weed out" the parts that make it difficult. Slowly but surely I had weeded out everything that made life difficult, along with those difficult things were my happiness and joy.

As I continued to search my heart I realized all of these things that our culture views as a "calling" are actually DEMANDS that Christ has given us as followers of him. I was reminded that IF I am a true follower of Him, then I cannot pick and choose what scriptures I will apply to my life. I cannot love my neighbor (because thats easy to do ) then decide that I am not called to all nations. He has not called me to go to all nations; He has created us and commanded us to go to all nations. I cannot say that I am not called to care for orphans and widows when we KNOW that He commands that of us, and then apply Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" to my life because I am SO VERY TIRED.

David Platt (RADICAL) does a great job of explaining how we have drawn a line of distinction, assigning the obligations of Christianity to a few while keeping the privileges of Christianity for us all. His book talks about how when Jesus summarized his life here on earth, He didnt relive all of his great sermons,the miracles he performed, or feeding thousands of people with minimal food. Instead, he talks REPEATEDLY about the disciples that he spent most of his time with. The main people that he invested his life in here on earth. He LOVED these men! And they DID not always make it easy on him! Judas was lost for heaven's sake. Jesus poured so much time and energy into him and he FORSAKE him!! who DOES that?!! His last words to his disciples were to "go make disciples." Making disciples is NOT easy. It is yucky, slow and tedious..because it is relational. There is no formula to make life easy. Jesus has SIMPLY given us people and said "live for them. Love them, serve them, and lead them. Lead them to follow me, and lead them to lead others to follow me.

So, when I am defeated. When my life is cluttered and has MOUNDS of laundry in it....am I loving? am I serving? and am I leading? Keeping things in perspective. That is my goal for 2011...perspective.

I cannot say enough about our infectious disease doctor. He has been a TOTAL God send to me. He is SO VERY calm and just a WEALTH of knowledge! Josie Love calls him "uncle" because in Uganda, ALL men are "uncles"...go figure?!? So, we refer to our doctor as "Uncle Wilson", which is QUITE comical when we are in the office. We only have to go once a quarter now, and I am so glad. Waiting for a doctor in a small little room is on my TOP TEN things that I HATE to do the MOST! (in the video you'll see why..mischievous/curious george)

I have promised you a video of Josie "in action" at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. I have actually tried multiple times to get videos loaded and it never happened much to my demise. I hope this one works for you. On a side note, The women behind the desk at the end of the video are just a few of our "friends" that we have made this past year. Typically, the welcome that she receives from these women happens about every 25 yards while trying to reach our destination!

The past few months have just stunk. Day to day life has been SO HARD. After dropping my oldest four at school in the am, I have found myself thinking..."just 3 more years and they'll all be in school!" The thought of not having to watch EVERY move of Josie Love and Caleb just sounds like heaven on earth to me. When I say that they are into EVERYTHING....it is an understatement. I actually used the bathroom all by myself the other day! I walked out feeling like I had achieved something HUGE JUST to find that Josie had gotten into my pantry and poured pancake syrup all over the counter. While cleaning up the sticky mess, I found myself thinking....maybe using the bathroom alone isn't such a luxury?!? Josie has been potty trained for 9 months now. The past week she has decided to just go in her pants MULTIPLE times. The fun part is, that she WAITS until we are at someone else's house. At our friends Christmas brunch, at my Mom's Christmas Eve (2x), and at my in-laws house yesterday (3x)...AAARRRGGHHHH! There is a STACK of broken Christmas decor that have been broken that are on my husbands desk just waiting for gorilla glue to make them whole again. I could tell you story after story after story, AFTER STORY much like this one, but am afraid that I may cry if I bring them back to the forefront of my mind. (If Caleb wasn't so cute I might just punt him into the next county some days.) Above all else, I'm tired of acting it's ALL GOOD, cause it's NOT. It is hard, and this preschool stage is WEARING me down.

Mike and Michael are duck hunting, Annabelle and MillerAnne, and Grace spent the night with their cousins at my in-laws last night. So, I am home with my three littles. I am up in my bed with Joshua snuggled up next to me, coffee with yummy hazelnut creamer bedside, and my Jesus Calling book and my bible sitting next to it. hhhmmm....think I might open them for the first time in WEEKS.

I am preparing you for what is on the road ahead. Take time to be still in my presence so that I can strengthen you. The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with me.So many people think that time spent with me is a luxury they cannot afford. As a result, they live and work in their own strength-until that becomes depleted. then they either cry out ot me for help or turn away in bitterness.

How much better it is to walk close to me, depending on my strength and trusting me in EVERY situation. If you live in this way, you will DO less, but ACCOMPLISH much more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the light with me, and you will reflect ME to the watching world. JESUS CALLING BY SARAH YOUNG

WOW! HE never leaves me nor forsakes me...then why have I felt so alone the past few weeks? Maybe because i have been SO busy preparing for adoption conferences (what I will speak on), the holidays, and the chaos of school ending (parties, birthdays, and spend the nights) that I haven't taken the time to fill my heart with the Holy Spirit. While much of what I have been doing is "kingdom work", I havent been filling my heart with what is vital for me to feel like I am living and not DROWNING. The Holy Spirit feels my hearts SO FULL that I actually feel as though I can breathe again. He gives me peace that I cannot get from giving gifts, feeding children worldwide, helping others with adoptions, loving my children and husband well.....

I HAVE to take the time to give HIM the chance to fill my soul, with HIS presence, HIS peace, HIS love, and HIS patience. I do not have it now, I NEVER will without HIS loving arms wrapped around me and HIS love pouring OVER me like water in a parched desert. OH I am so thankful, that HE is EVER present and it is I who moves away from HIM, and when I realize it, He welcomes me with OPEN arms, again and again and again!

I am looking forward to the New Year! I cannot wait to see what HE is going to do with 147 Million Orphans. We gave $53,000 away last year to help orphans in Ethiopia, Uganda, Honduras, Haiti, China, and the US. We have over 200 families that will be fundraising with our gear starting in January.

While I seem frustrated with my children in this post (hahaa), I am SO thankful that HE has entrusted me with their little lives and I cannot imagine life without each and EVERY one of their little smiles that greet me each and every morning. The husband that HE has given me is the most wonderful man on earth. He is patient, loving, and makes me feel whole. Our lives are TOTAL teamwork and I cannot imagine life without him.

I AM THANKFUL.... SO THANKFUL THAT MY SWEET SAVIOR IS CONSISTENT WHEN I AM NOT!

Well,I finally broke away from all of the emails that have been flooding in through EVERY avenue of social media that I am a part of, regarding Katie's blog going private! While Gwen and I (and Grace...our extra set of hands) are completely overwhelmed with the work, our hearts are full KNOWING that so many people long to read Katie's words. What HUGE blessing she is to SO many...I just LOVE the way the Lord is using her to minister to the MULTITUDES (haha)

One of my FAVORITE things that I do over the holidays is bake with my mom and sisters. We started this tradition several years ago and as our daughters have gotten older, they now join the fun! I am so blessed to have two sisters and a mother who live near nearby. While we don't see each other on a daily basis or even talk daily, I ALWAYS know, that WITHOUT doubt that I can call them at ANY time (day or night) and they will be there to help with a smile. My niece Lauren was out of town, she was surely missed. We gathered at my oldest sisters house (Susan) with recipes in hand and started mixing it up! Grace and Abbie were partners in crime in baking the "chocolate -no-bakes." My mom's specialty is buttermilk fudge and I made some new yummy little snacks. ( put a hershey's kiss on the top of a window pane pretzel and melt it, then mash a m&m on the top and let it harden...sweet and salty...DELICIOUS and SO cute!) After several hours of baking we realized that EVERY snack that we made had chocolate in it! WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT MY FAMILY?!?!?

I look forward to my other daughters getting older so that they can join the fun each Christmas season. What a sweet, sweet gift my sweet Savior blessed me with...not ONE, but TWO sisters and a mother!

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips!