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Monday, December 27, 2010

So thankful that HE is consistent when I am not.....



The past few months have just stunk. Day to day life has been SO HARD. After dropping my oldest four at school in the am, I have found myself thinking..."just 3 more years and they'll all be in school!" The thought of not having to watch EVERY move of Josie Love and Caleb just sounds like heaven on earth to me. When I say that they are into EVERYTHING....it is an understatement. I actually used the bathroom all by myself the other day! I walked out feeling like I had achieved something HUGE JUST to find that Josie had gotten into my pantry and poured pancake syrup all over the counter. While cleaning up the sticky mess, I found myself thinking....maybe using the bathroom alone isn't such a luxury?!? Josie has been potty trained for 9 months now. The past week she has decided to just go in her pants MULTIPLE times. The fun part is, that she WAITS until we are at someone else's house. At our friends Christmas brunch, at my Mom's Christmas Eve (2x), and at my in-laws house yesterday (3x)...AAARRRGGHHHH! There is a STACK of broken Christmas decor that have been broken that are on my husbands desk just waiting for gorilla glue to make them whole again. I could tell you story after story after story, AFTER STORY much like this one, but am afraid that I may cry if I bring them back to the forefront of my mind. (If Caleb wasn't so cute I might just punt him into the next county some days.) Above all else, I'm tired of acting it's ALL GOOD, cause it's NOT. It is hard, and this preschool stage is WEARING me down.

Mike and Michael are duck hunting, Annabelle and MillerAnne, and Grace spent the night with their cousins at my in-laws last night. So, I am home with my three littles. I am up in my bed with Joshua snuggled up next to me, coffee with yummy hazelnut creamer bedside, and my Jesus Calling book and my bible sitting next to it. hhhmmm....think I might open them for the first time in WEEKS.

I am preparing you for what is on the road ahead. Take time to be still in my presence so that I can strengthen you. The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with me.So many people think that time spent with me is a luxury they cannot afford. As a result, they live and work in their own strength-until that becomes depleted. then they either cry out ot me for help or turn away in bitterness.

How much better it is to walk close to me, depending on my strength and trusting me in EVERY situation. If you live in this way, you will DO less, but ACCOMPLISH much more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the light with me, and you will reflect ME to the watching world. JESUS CALLING BY SARAH YOUNG

WOW! HE never leaves me nor forsakes me...then why have I felt so alone the past few weeks? Maybe because i have been SO busy preparing for adoption conferences (what I will speak on), the holidays, and the chaos of school ending (parties, birthdays, and spend the nights) that I haven't taken the time to fill my heart with the Holy Spirit. While much of what I have been doing is "kingdom work", I havent been filling my heart with what is vital for me to feel like I am living and not DROWNING. The Holy Spirit feels my hearts SO FULL that I actually feel as though I can breathe again. He gives me peace that I cannot get from giving gifts, feeding children worldwide, helping others with adoptions, loving my children and husband well.....

I HAVE to take the time to give HIM the chance to fill my soul, with HIS presence, HIS peace, HIS love, and HIS patience. I do not have it now, I NEVER will without HIS loving arms wrapped around me and HIS love pouring OVER me like water in a parched desert. OH I am so thankful, that HE is EVER present and it is I who moves away from HIM, and when I realize it, He welcomes me with OPEN arms, again and again and again!

I am looking forward to the New Year! I cannot wait to see what HE is going to do with 147 Million Orphans. We gave $53,000 away last year to help orphans in Ethiopia, Uganda, Honduras, Haiti, China, and the US. We have over 200 families that will be fundraising with our gear starting in January.

While I seem frustrated with my children in this post (hahaa), I am SO thankful that HE has entrusted me with their little lives and I cannot imagine life without each and EVERY one of their little smiles that greet me each and every morning. The husband that HE has given me is the most wonderful man on earth. He is patient, loving, and makes me feel whole. Our lives are TOTAL teamwork and I cannot imagine life without him.

I AM THANKFUL.... SO THANKFUL THAT MY SWEET SAVIOR IS CONSISTENT WHEN I AM NOT!



28 comments:

Kristin said...

Thanks for your honesty Suzanne. Your words echo in my heart. I think I need that devotional! It sounds great!

Kara said...

Thanks for being so honest and sharing your "real" life.While on the outside it may appear that all is perfect, the reality is that it is not because we are all sinful people and dealing with some difficult situations.

I was reading Jesus Calling yesterday for the first time in a few days and felt it speak to me as I have felt some distance from God. Yet God is ALWAYS there with open arms just waiting for me to accept His love. Nothing I do will change that. What a wonderful gift!

Brenda Stout said...

Oh my sweet Suzanne, He is so faithful in keeping His promises, and I wish I were closer to you and Mike, so I could help with those babies. Maybe one day I will be retired and can come up when My sweet girl needs a set of extra arms to hug and and extra measure of heart to support. Love you.

Laura Dodson said...

i feel your pain and conviction.

i've said the same things about my 3 and i've repented of my sour attitude that seems to spill over to the rest of the family.

i've begun my day with the Lord and i've left my first love waiting.

God's grace amazes me. He pulls me back time and again, reminds me of His love and faithfulness, and His forgiveness.

this has been a difficult year and yet i know our family would feel incomplete without our 3 new additions.

Thank you for your words of encouragement and honesty.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your humility and love for Jesus. This post was such an encouragement this morning.

Jenn Nahrstadt said...

that's IT--i'm buyin' myself JESUS CALLING right now! those words were just the reminder i needed, and, honey, thanks for being transparent enough to share them honestly without sugar-coating it. (i've had so much sugar i'm about to puke on it!)

i'm going to be doing beth moore's memorize a verse a week program (see here--http://blog.lproof.org/2010/12/siesta-scripture-memory-instructions.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+LPMblog+%28LPMblog%29&utm_content=Google+Reader) and i hope this will give me perspective and a different focus than my own initiatives in 2011. wanna join me?

hugs!

Jana said...

Thank you for this post. I needed to read that!

Shauna said...

Thank you for being honest! I can relate so very much! I have 2, 3 year olds. The Lord has really been reminding me of the word abide and the parable of the vine and branches. I HAVE to abide to walk in this calling.

Thanks for sharing. Good to know there are others out there like me!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

Love God's reminders.....even if we feel like they usually come when we KNOW we can't do it....when we are the most frustrated. That is where we must be to really see what we NEED, and what is just a want. Thank you :) Praying your Christmas was BLESSED!

Jim and April said...

amen amen amen! Today I am feeling weak b/c I am sick and have a teething little one so your post is what I needed. thanks for being real with us!

Anonymous said...

I know how you are feeling. I have felt the same way before, and felt guilty about it. Then I learned that there are no good or bad events, but it is we who attach the meaning to the events - we attach the meaning to the spilled syrup and the broken Christmas ornaments, etc. Be encouraged. The meaning you need to attach is this - you are deliberately adding stars to your heavenly crown. Thank you for your testimony and inspiration.

Jill said...

I couldn't help but think of Forgotten God by F Chan when I read your post. Wanting more of Him too, so I am running on Holy Spirit power and not my own. Love your thoughts they so often echo similar problems I go through. Press on.

Lindsay said...

Oh I love everything about that picture :) Thank you for the REAL reminder that our attempts to have it all together are useless if He is not the one guiding us. You are amazing! :)

Jim and April said...

well how funny is this...i was ordering a new thinline bible in a different translation on amazon for me to compare with my other translation I have plus just to have a smaller one to take to church, community group etc...and thought I really want to get a devotional to start too so I researched devotionals and the first one that popped up was the Jesus calling one, which was right after I read your blog! So I bought it because it had over 300 reviews that were good and you obviously must like it too so I am hoping I do too! So thanks for in a round about way telling me about Jesus calling!

kim jewett said...

Suzanne...Thank you for keeping it real in your post! Our lives can look so perfect and put together from the outside and can make adopting look not only easy but fun too. But we owe each other honesty and you gave that in this post. While I don't desire syrup spilled on my counter (yikes) I do desire a deeper relationship with Him who calls us to care for the least of these...even when I thought I had already reached the "end of myself". Thank you for sharing your heart.

Nanette R. said...

Praise God that He never leaves us nor forsakes us and that He is our ever-present Help and Strength and Refuge. Thanks for your honesty in sharing this post. May God fill you with all hope and joy and peace by the power of His Holy Spirit in 2011!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Suzanne, for your honesty! I admire you so much and can sometimes get under the pile with how perfectly I imagine you handle everything!!! I am a homeschooling mother of 6. I adore my children, but sometimes get so overwhelmed. Thank you for the wise words from Jesus Calling!

Becky said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and the truth! I was just thinking yesterday that Christmas is supposed to be a time to reflect on Christ and all He has done for us. It should be a time to grow closer to Him, but I am so busy with 5 kids home out of school, with my parents visiting and with Christmas festivities that I put HIM last. I have felt much like you these last few days. Sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore (or at least I feel I need a break). I am going to close my computer now and spend some time in the WORD and my Jesus Calling book that Gwen convinced me to buy and I LOVE :-)

Anonymous said...

Suzanne,
Thanks for the dose of honesty! I am so grateful for a Savior who is there waiting for us with open arms when we come to Him. What a good God we serve! Love you and praying for your sweet family every time I wear my red 147 hoodie!
Julie J.

Tasha Via said...

What a beautiful reminder that He is sovereign and consistent...and we are not. He is in control when we can't seem to get control. Thank you for this post and your honesty.

Katie said...

Great post Suzanne!

Erin said...

Oh, Suzanne...this posts resonates with the heart of SO MANY! I LOVE your honesty and "realness!" I love most of all how Jesus met you in the midst of what seemed low, hard, defeating, tiring, etc! I feel like for so many of us (especially moms?), we can go and do and fix and love and busy ourselves with that and it seems like God allows us to reach this point of discouragement to show us we needed Him all along(which we knew, but didn't even realize we were doing it without Him in the fog of it all!) ..again...and again! Thank you for your precious words!! I think they make us all feel like we aren't alone!

Blessed Mom of Four AND More said...

Oh, Suzanne, how often I have to be reminded that I NEED my time with Him. And, as we are preparing to adopt again YAY!!!, I realized I must find even more time to spend with Him. I must stay focused on His love for me, not my love for my children or orphans.

Like others, I will say thank you for your honesty.

Some days are tough, and we all need to be reminded that, without Jesus, we will not get through the tough days!

Robbie

Heather said...

Again thank you for being so real. I saw myself in your picture of you. I often feel I don't measure up to other moms. You helped me to see just what most don't choose to share- reality! With God close at hand, we have greater strength for these trying moments.

SleepyMom said...

Amen! The preschool years are so tough. Some days you just need a break from your little ones. I only have one at home during the day right now but I still totally get it.
Wishing you peace in the New Year and for all the bright moments of parenting to outshine the frustrating ones (like toilets stuffed with who knows what, Christmas ornaments sawed in two with plastic toy saws, window blinds broken off to be used as toy swords....).

mamamargie said...

Amen! Amen! and Amen! I needed to read this post today, because this has been my week. Today I had the first study and prayer time I've had all week and I wonder why I feel so run down. I can do so much more when I take time with Jesus first. Hugs to you and your sweet tornado kids! I have mine too! :)

Erika Chapman said...

I love, love, LOVE coming to your blog!! When I get overwhelmed and tired I come to your blog and realize that if YOU are making it and surviving with grace then I CAN TOO!! You and Gwen are such an inspiration. If I was in your physical social circle I would beg you to meet w/me & mentor me...and you would not have time to do that! But I am so thankful for your blog because in a small way I get to soak up your passion for the Lord and for adoption and learn from what you share. So thank you for doing your blog. I have three little boys and I am homeschooling my oldest for the first time this year. My mother is unemployed and my father has Parkinson's and they moved in w/ us about a year and a half ago as well as my teenage brother. And we have started the process to adopt a little girl/possibly a sibling group from Uganda. Adoption has introduced us to remarkable people like you all:) So when my life seems over the top nutty and I think "are you sure you want me to adopt and bring a little child into this craziness I call life, Lord? I am not really sure I am doing well with what is currently on my plate....you sure?" Those are the moments that I come to your blog (and Katie thanks for introducing to the girl that is now my hero) and I get the dose of passion and commitment and inspiration I need. Thank you SOOOOOOO much for sharing your journey and helping me along mine:)

Lise said...

I so appreciate your honesty. I feel so guilty when I think "gosh, I can't wait until you can play by yourself for 5 minutes!" The older women's admonition to not wish away the days/years makes me feel guilty for occasionally looking forward to when our kids are older. It's nice to hear from someone else in the trenches that sometimes you just feel that way and it's okay.

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suzanne
I am a lover of Jesus. I have the most fabulous husband that anyone woman could ask for. The Lord has blessed us with 7 beautiful children. I started this blog so that friends and family could follow our trip to Uganda to visit Katie Davis. I have decided to keep blogging to help bring orphan awareness to the world around me.
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