It never ceases to amaze me how difficult the "re-entry" back into my normal life can be.  My body clock is SO off...i am wide awake every morning at 3:30 am.  I am FREEZING. who knew that your body could get use to no air condition and then when you have it again...you FREEZE?!?!  My husband is SO glad to have me back....have I mentioned what a rockstar he is?  he took my kids (6) and 3 friends to the lake for the night of fourth of July....R.O.C.K.S.T.A.R.  The other night, he made me promise that I wouldn't ever take off and leave him for another man...and leave  him with all of these "crazy kids!"( hahaa)  But most of all, the time table of America.  every thing moves at a CONSTANT pace...we go from one thing to another.  BY THE CLOCK.  One of the most bittersweet things about Africa is there is NO time frame.  life moves on each and every day minute by minute.  if you are late..it is okay.  EVERYBODY is late.  plans change moment to moment and nobody cares.  HERE..if a plan changes, you have to contact the person, then they have to contact three more people to change their plans and the chain reaction ends up affecting like 30 people for just one change of plans!  If you are in Africa visiting, it is refreshing.  If you are there adopting, it makes you want to put a gun to your head!! Coming back home to children that want to "go and do each and every minute of the day" is about to kill me...especially since I am up for 18 hours of the day.  Katie often tells me that bringing her two youngest to America is much more difficult than having 13 in Africa and that is the reason..the pace..it is much more slow.  So, I am up at the crack of dawn, complaining to you.  In reality, I am SO thankful to be home.  Absence DEFINITELY makes the heart grow fonder.  I LOVE my family and my life.  I LOVE knowing that HE has me in the palm of HIS hand and that I can feel HIS presence each and every moment.  I LOVE having to rely on HIM for every single thing in my life...because, the truth is, my life is MASS CHAOS (another revelation while being gone!)  I love my husband more that life itself...did I mention that he is a rockstar?

As I think back over my time away, there are a few things that I want to  live by daily.  The needs around me are TOO many.  So, I have a choice.  to feel COMPLETELY overwhelmed.  OR to meet each need as I am faced with it.  each person.  each appointment.  each bath.  each meal.  each  medicine.  each  NEED by itself, with nothing attached but what is RIGHT in front of me every minute of the day.  It is baby steps through life.  we are NOT guaranteed tomorrow, only today.  SO, I will live each day, moment by moment.  NOW, the hard part is dealing with everyone around me.  People want commitments for the next 3 weeks.  A timetable...that is how America works.  The thought of it makes me feel like I am drowning.  I will not fall into the pit of DEMAND.  day by day...survival.

I want to remember how 98% of the rest of the world lives.  Some with no water or food or clothes.  BUT with a smile and thankfulness that they are alive.  I want to HOLD onto the JOY that only HE can give me rather than the empty happiness that the world has to offer.

I want to CLING to HIS word and HIS promises that HE will NEVER leave me NOR forsake me.   When my days here on earth are DEFEATING, that HE will give me the perfect amount of strength!

I can't forget the mother who locked her 12 month old twins up in a hut  from morning til dark to go out and search for food.  Their empty eyes, peeling skin, and swollen bodies from being so malnourished.  The look on their faces as I spooned food into their mouths and when the bowl was empty..they cried for more....  bowl after bowl after bowl.

I will never forget the twins that were covered in open wounds from syphilis.

the children that tested positive for HIV....will they get the meds that they need or die?

REALITY....we all need a dose of it.


Deuteronomy 4:40
Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the LORD your God gives you for all time.