After coming home from Honduras, I had an acquaintance ask me about my trip, which led to more questions about my family, and even more questions about my life in general. Inevitably, the question "what happened in your life to inspire you to adopt and help others the way that you do?" My answer: "I walked alongside a birthmother with my first two adoptions, it wrecked me. my heart ached for those women like it has NEVER ached before. The blinders were removed from my eyes, and I haven't seen life the same since."

I have spoken multiple times on domestic adoption. It TRULY holds half of my heart. I will NEVER be the same. It truly changed my life forever.

Josie has strep throat. She was up earlier than the rest of the crew this morning. As I snuggled up on the couch beside her, with coffee in hand, I opened my laptop and THIS is what I read:

I am a birthmom. I became a birthmom to save my sons life. My fiance put me in the hospital when I was four months pregnant with broken bones and a concussion. I had bruises around my neck from where he tried to strangle me. He told the police he would have killed me. He wanted me dead. I was thrown into a table, into walls, into the floor. While pregnant. With his son. He had no doubt the child was his (he said as much), he just didn't like the fact my doctors appointment took longer (in his mind) than it should have.

This was a man who had custody of two other children from his prior relationship. Full custody.

This was a man when he went to court on domestic violence charges was told by the judge "This is your SIXTH domestic assault charge- perhaps you should CONSIDER anger management classes". No conviction, no charges, just told to CONSIDER anger management classes. I didn't know of the five others before me... I just knew then I wasn't his first, and I wouldn't be his last. I got on a plane the next day and flew to another part of the US.

I placed my son for adoption through a closed adoption to protect my son. He told me at the court hearing that he would see my son taken from me as he had taken his other two. With his history of violence now known to me, I wasn't willing to risk it.

I gave birth thousands of miles from any friends and any family. I placed my son in the arms of his new mother, who I only knew by her first name. I signed the papers, and left the hospital when discharged. I burned all the adoption documents, all the hospital papers, all the hospital mementos, etc just in case he ever managed to track me down. There are no pictures of me with my son. I have no pictures of him. If I close my eyes, I can still remember his face...

I don't know where they are from. I don't know where he is today. I don't know what he looks like. I don't know how he's doing. I don't know if he enjoys fire trucks or police men. I know nothing... as you mentioned, I don't even know if he's alive or not.

I do think of him daily. I do wonder if I made the right decision. The choice I made DOES tear me apart. It still breaks my heart even though it's been close to a decade since I said goodbye...

There are women just like this one ALL over the world. These women are willing to make the MOST sacrificial decision of their life, because their love for their child is so deep.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

1 Kings 8:57
May the LORD our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us nor forsake us.

Psalm 94:14
For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.

These are just a few of the verses that remind us that HE will NEVER leave us or forsake us in the bible. I pray that all of the women that are living through circumstances like the one above will cling to these promises so they will not feel alone and despair.

In the meantime, what are YOU doing to love these women through these hard times?

As I sit in bed tonight and write, my heart is full. I am SO proud of our children. They have worked hard, played hard, and loved well on this trip. They have been so uninhibited. They haven't been fearful. One of them replied "the more dirt that they have on them, the cuter they are!!" They have been hands ON, heart filled, Lovin' with all that they have!

We started our day by organizing all of the food that we bought yesterday. We had everyone do a different job in getting it ready for distribution. it was SO EXCITING! the thought of taking all of this food to people who have NOTHING was so fun. The joy on my children's faces as they packed the bags with rice, beans, vegetables, seasonings, oil, etc....was PRICELESS. It IS truly more blessed to give than receive.

Then came the fun part....DELIVERING the food to the people in Mt Olivos. As we pulled into the village, they gathered chairs and brought them to the new community center that Ty and Rhonda just built. We sang praise and worship songs, Ty encouraged them to stick together and with team work, hard labor, and CHRIST..they could accomplish MUCH. As we passed out the bags to the families, the expression on their faces will be forever imprinted in my mind. The lines on their faces tell a story. A hard life that has been lived. I'm sure parts of their lives are unfathomable to most of us. I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to love these people as HE loves them. Strangers to my eyes, but family in my heart.

After we had passed out the food and clothes, they wanted to show us the well when it is turned on. The generator is hooked up twice a day for them to get the clean water that they need. Today, they turned it on, and it started overflowing! 100% PURE water falling from the top of the well like manna straight from heaven. The children started squealing, running around, jumping in it...a true celebration!

On the final and climactic day of the Feast, Jesus took his stand. He cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says." I feel as though I watched this verse lived out in person today. Our prayer is that this village will come to know Christ through their new homes and clean water.