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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

perseverance

Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3

I havent posted for the past few weeks because I have been at a loss for words. My prayer this morning was "Lord, can I PLEASE just live in my comfort zone for one week?...please?" I couldn't help but chuckle as the words leaked from my lips. Comfort zone? I don't even really know what the definition of those words mean anymore. For five years, since our first adoption, I feel as though I live in a foreign land.

Will there ever be a time while I am sitting at Vanderbilt and see "infectious disease" on the door that I don't think..."how did I end up here?" Its been two years, and I still shake my head in wonderment. I saw Mike walking down the sidewalk the other with all of my children a few steps behind and I had one of those "AHA" moments of ....I know that's my husband but who are all of those kids following him?!!? They are all different colors and who is the little one in the pom pom's stopping to hug and talk to every stranger that passes?"

My hope was that I could blog about how fabulous Josie entering school had been. While she has her first day this Friday, satan has had a field day with the preparation of her starting. All of her testing information has yet to be sent to her school. I wonder at what point am I going to think ....."this is just the norm" but I continue to be shocked over and over by peoples responses, the look in the eyes, the bewilderment that GLOWS form their faces. After the first few times of calling Mike in tears after leaving the school, we decided that he would go with me from now on. My heart breaks IN HALF for my sweet little angel that God views as PERFECT, and in the worlds eyes she is far from that.

I cant help but think of Jesus and Judas at the passover. When Jesus explained that He would be denied and all of the disciples were shocked. Jesus KNEW it, He even TOLD them that it was going to happen, but in the end, HE was still hurt, heartbroken, and felt abandoned. I KNOW that my family is going to feel those feelings each time we walk into a new situation. I even explain to my children how it is going to feel. Yet, each time that it happens....I feel hurt, heartbroken, and abandoned. I am so thankful that I have my sweet Jesus to cling. He is CONSTANT, EVER PRESENT, and just what I need in my brokenness.

I had a revelation the other day, that was NO doubt God's whisper in my ear. The school that we have attended for 10 years has watched us grow from 2 children to 7. They have seen the transformation in our lives. While some still deem us "radical" it has become quit normal to see our family around....not to mention that there are 10 children from Jinja,Uganda with 5 more coming....at our school. It has become quite the norm. At Josie's new school, we are a little freaky looking walking down the halls! haha In time, people will get use to our family. (hopefully). My prayer is that they will see HIM and not us.

At the end of the day, I will continue to whisper...."YOUR will not mine, YOUR will not mine, YOUR will not mine!"


9 comments:

Offset said...

Beautiful. James has also been on my heart, the pull between my desires and His.
On a different note: you have an amazing family!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

PRAYING they will see HIM!!! Praying for your mommy's heart, and your family as you walk through this as well knowing it is NOT easy!

Rob and Jordan said...

CanNOT begin to tell you how refreshing and encouraging this post was to my heart. My sweet 2nd, Ansley Kate, was born w/ a rare brain disorder and LONG story short...after her MRI @ 3 mos. we were told "IMPOSSIBLE" for any sort of normal life for her. "May not ever walk or talk"... etc. In our heartache, the Lord brought us to the same Words over & over, to BELIEVE in the POWER of His outstretched hand and He gifted us with the faith to plead for his mercy and power to be poured out over her to heal her sweet brain one milestone at a time. All but a few around us told us were in complete denial, being unrealistic or misuing God's word to get what we want. But the Lord continue to whisper Walk by FAITH NOT sight. Two years later, we have an age appropriate two year old who WONT QUIT talking, climbing, singing, etc. NOW THE DRS DONT HAVE WORDS! She went from "impossible" to "medical phenomenon".. "brain doesnt match the baby". Though the details are so different, Im reminded so much of our journey when I read your heart with Josie. SHATTERING the odds by the grace, MERCY & power of the Lords lifted hand. Anyway, phew that ended up being long.. sorry! We receive a lot of criticism when we share the heartbreak and the dark struggles we have fought through like somehow we arent being "good christians" bc we arent singing la-dee-da all the time. i related so much to this post bc my sweet one has precious glasses and a very small brain and only the Lord knows how it will grow as her body grows, but this world lieks to STARE and even though I know she absolute perfection, it can tear my heart in two at times.... Im sorry I just wrote a novel, but I wanted to say THANK YOU. your words and honesty ministered to my heart GREATLY. i am always so blessed by your heart & family. p.s. after 3 years of NOT YET, the Lord has said ITS TIME (!!!!!) We are pursuing an adoption from S. Korea!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That's what we should be whispering to the Lord (shouting?!) every day, in every situation... not just yours. THANK YOU for the reminder... I needed it today. Today, we started loading up things in our long term storage unit. Just things, but it symbolizes the life we will be living in such a short time... one out of our comfort zone, yet totally in His will! Yeah, I hear ya! I hear ya! Thank you for letting Christ speak through you today!

Tisra
www.fadelyfamily.com

woosterweester said...

Has anyone ever told you, you rock? I'm not taking anything away from God's glory here, but rather magnifying it by watching your family's life and saying WOW! GOD IS AMAZING! We wouldn't be able to see His glory displayed in those same ways if families like yours weren't willing to let the Lord use them. Hope to meet you in person one day and tell you just that. (But like, not in a creepy stalker sort of way.:))
Love,

Rory

Anonymous said...

Thanks for once again being so open! I often close the door to my foster boys room and think "are they really there?" "is this really life?" :) Thankful that the Lord uses discomfort for His Glory!
Angie

Majid Ali said...

Please for Christ sake help this poor boy from Haiti.

yellodaisy said...

It can be so hard on our mama heart when people don't see our kids the way we do. I'm going through that right now, too, and have to trust that God will take care of my babies even better than I can. I know that in head, but telling it to my heart is a different story. My prayers for you and Josie.

the Nest Keeper said...

i have huge tears in my eyes. we have just started this trans-cultural journey (adopting #6). i guess it's bad that i ALREADY understand your thoughts on this. THANK YOU for giving me courage by saying "let them see HIM, not US."
We do have to become less to allow HIM to become more.
I would not change a thing now (except to shamelessly adopt more), but this is NOT for the faint of heart. not by any means.

Thank you for your words.
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suzanne
I am a lover of Jesus. I have the most fabulous husband that anyone woman could ask for. The Lord has blessed us with 7 beautiful children. I started this blog so that friends and family could follow our trip to Uganda to visit Katie Davis. I have decided to keep blogging to help bring orphan awareness to the world around me.
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