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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Josie and Joshua starting heart

Summer is dwindling and it is time for us to have some significant structure back in our lives. My children have been fabulous all summer and the past few days they have been fighting. IT IS TIME. Joshua will start kindergarten this year. I cannot believe it. He will be going to the small christian school that my oldest four attend. I have spent countless hours testing Josie Love and trying to find the best "fit" for her. While she has made HUGE strides in EVERY way, her speech and fine motor skills are still very much delayed. We live in williamson county which is known nationwide for the public school system being at the top of the charts. There is a school 3 minutes from our home that she will be attending. They will provide her with an assistant all day, while the therapies that she needs will rotate in and out through out the day. It is TRULY a blessing. I cant wait to see the progress she will make with one-on-one therapy, when she has come as far as she has on love alone. I have been so excited about it that I havent stopped to think about how my heart will feel on the actual first day of leaving her.

The first day of kindergarten is always an emotional one for me. It is a sure sign that my children are getting older and entering a new chapter in their lives. Everything that I have invested in them about Christ and how to treat others is going to be be put to the test. feet to the fire!! And this year I have Joshua AND Josie starting on the same day. eeeeeeek.

I stopped by Josie's school to leave her paperwork. the moment I stepped out of my van, my stomach started turning. NEW place, NEW faces, NEW voices, NEW smell...totally out of my comfort zone. After handing the lady my paperwork, She became a little overwhelmed. She couldn't find Josie's name in her folder, so I explained that she would be receiving therapy/assistant etc....that her folder might be in a different place than the norm. She looked over her papers and I was very quickly led to the principal. I couldn't help but giggle and think...first day and I'm already going to the principals office! haha We talked through her needs briefly, and he said that he would check with their therapists and they would get back to me.

As I walked out of the building tears streamed down my face. Josie's paperwork paints a totally different picture than who she is. it reads THERAPY, ASSISTANT, HIV+, extra time, extra effort, time away from the "normal class". My heart ached as I thought of the perception that was painted of her to the normal person. No wonder the poor lady at the front desk was a little bumfuzzled by me. I GET IT!

I got in the car and said "OKAY LORD, I AM TIRED OF BEING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE...can't I just feel an INCH of peace in my heart?!??! Just let me SIT in my peace of mind for just a moment. aaarrrggghhhh. He whispered to me, "you will sit in the peace that only I can give...not what this world can give you, and it is far greater than anything that you could ever feel from the world." So, that is what I am choosing to do...once again, sitting in HIS peace that is NOT of the world, and once again...feeling like an alien in my own skin. It is going to be good.....I just wish I had hindsight and could see the fruits now instead of later. ( I will never learn....)

The things that make her so fun are her mischievousness, giggles, activity level...these things are not so endearing in a class room setting. I have no doubt that once she transitions in, she will follow what everyone else is doing...however, it wont take the "mischief" out of her sparkling eyes!

Pray with me that her teacher and her assistant will see her heart. That she will bring them joy from the first day. That they can smile and appreciate all that life has dealt her and feel the love that she truly brings to my heart each and every day. Pray that Mike and I can stand firm in our life that HE has given us and we will NOT waiver. The we will represent the love of CHRIST in a mighty way.


Emy said...

This post definitely got me crying this morning! It's funny, so many people pray for their kids to achieve in school, but my biggest prayer when my kids start school each year is that their teachers appreciate their personalities. I think everything else will fall into place after that! :o) I am praying that everyone at the new school LOVES your Josie Love as much as you do!!!!

RaVae Erickson said...

Oh! I do not have the strength you have! It is a good thing I won't need "first day of kindergarten" strength for five more years!
Bless your beating heart lady! Two in ONE day! And to TWO different schools! It is a good thing the strength we find for things like this is not our own, otherwise...
But our God is BIGGER and GREATER and STRONGER than any picture painted on paper of our little ones.
Blessings (for both today and 'that' first day)!

Anonymous said...

I've partial homeschooled (at a church academy that does half the week), I've done public, total homeschool, public again and now- with moving to the mission field- will be doing public again! "Each year, each child"... we pray and are guided by HIM. HE gives us HOPE and HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. If may seem scary now... uncertain now... possibly like a mistake now... but that is all with human senses and human fears. Your God knows what she needs. Maybe just as importantly: God knows what her school needs. They might just need a fantastic dose of your sweet child to see their Savior!

So, I'm saying... I've been there! I've sat at a very cold-seeming, non-personal registration desk in a government-run school and wondered HOW and WHY. But, in hindsight...the Lord knew better than my feelings. (of course He did!)


Jeni said...

I needed to read this today. thank you.

Cassy said...

A sincere and heartily post from a mother. I was almost teary eyed as I read your post.

God bless to you and your family.

Cassy from Guitar Made Easy

Mom of 12 said...

I sent #10 to school just a couple of weeks ago. It was hard, but she was so ready to go.

Jodi said...

Prayers to you! I would so struggle with the "TITLE" or explanation put on Josie Love's papers. UGH!!! I would hate it. I would be angry. I would rebel. BUT - you are handling it all so much better than I would. You are amazing!


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I am a lover of Jesus. I have the most fabulous husband that anyone woman could ask for. The Lord has blessed us with 7 beautiful children. I started this blog so that friends and family could follow our trip to Uganda to visit Katie Davis. I have decided to keep blogging to help bring orphan awareness to the world around me.
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