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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

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If you follow my blog, you have seen over the past year what a stinker Josie Love can be. The other day, I asked her to go get her sandals out of her cubby, so that we could leave. When I didn't see her for awhile, I went searching. Josie+quiet=T-R-O-U-B-L-E!! THis is what I found.

She couldn't find her sandals in her cubby, so she just decided to go through every other child's cubby and look for her shoes. I could scream and get really frustrated or I could use this as a time to clear out all of the shoes that do not fit anymore. I chose the latter. (thankfully, we didn't have anywhere to be at a specific time.)

I took her for the testing of her speech therapy and she did really well for the first 30 minutes, and then she decided to act as though she was sleeping. LITERALLY, SNORING!! I would shake her and she was like a noodle. (grin on her face the whole time!) Finally, I took her out of my lap, sat her in the chair and said "okay, you do it!" and she sat up real big in her chair did about 20 more questions, then went limp again, snoring, with a grin on her face. SERIOUSLY? I got my oldest four off to school, showered, actually fixed my hair and make-up, had a sitter come for Joshua and Caleb, for THIS!??! So, the therapist decided to do the rest of her assessment at her preschool. We have her occupational therapy testing tomorrow..please pray for me! haha

Mother's Day was a hard day for me. Josie has been really congested with allergy symptoms. She had started complaining with her ear hurting, so I figured that she had developed an ear infection. I was afraid to let her go another day because I didn't want the pain to become more severe. I decided to take her to the minute clinic and let them check her ears and give us some meds...pretty simple procedure..I THOUGHT. We sat for 45 minutes, waiting to be seen. The nurse practitioner called her name, we went in, she took her temp, blood pressure, weight, etc....and right before she looked into her ears she asked me if she was on any daily meds and if so, what kind. SO, I gave her the names of her meds and INSTANTLY a light bulb went off in my head and I thought "what if they won't treat her?" The nurse looked a little stunned and asked if her meds were anti-virals and I said "yes" and she said "I can't treat her." She pulled out a HUGE book and started thumbing through it. She landed on a page and pointed to script (at the time was blurry for me because my eyes were welling with tears) and said "see? right here, I can't treat her." She asked me if she had AIDS, and I said "no ma'am, she is hiv positive and her viral loads are undetectable. I would have never brought her in if she had any significant symptoms, no breathing issues, no temperature, nothing severe...just an ear infection" and she very quickly clicked out of our account and sent me on my way. I cried the whole way out of the store. I was ANGRY. I was ANGRY at that lady. I was ANGRY at myself, for thinking that it would be okay to bring her there. I was ANGRY at Mike for not thinking ahead and mentioning that they might not see her (just because he always thinks ahead, he always thinks of the unthinkable....) Has Josie's HIV become so "normal" to us that we are no longer "guarding" our hearts from the pain that instances like this one can cause? I could have reached a point of anger and hurt that would not have been unhealthy. Anger and hurt on behalf of my little angel who was sitting in my back seat totally oblivious that I was weeping on her behalf. At that moment, I had a decision to make. I could sit in my bitterness or I could be thankful. Thankful that she is so healthy now. Thankful that I do not even think of the HIV as even being an issue any more. Thankful that it IS my new "normal" and that my family is shocked when I return home and tell them that the nurse wouldn't treat her. And most of all, THANKFUL that this happened NOW, I learned from my mistake, and will NEVER make this same mistake when she is old enough to understand what happened in that office. She would have felt so rejected....but thankfully, I felt it on her behalf this time. Reality stared me in the face. Sadness filled my heart, and I couldn't help but to think that one day when we are in heaven, there will be no sickness. We will all just be happy to be in the presence of our sweet Savior. On Mother's Day, my heart longed to feel that presence. There will be no heartache and my little girl will be viewed from the world's eyes NO LONGER. Just our heavenly Father's eyes...who made her wonderfully and perfectly.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

psalm 139:13-18

you might need to go to my playlist (on the right) and hit the pause button so the music doesn't get mixed in with Josie's voice during the video








15 comments:

Kristi said...

oh sweet Josie - hope her ear is feeling better. I guess I wouldn't have thought in this day & age that they would refuse to treat an HIV positive patient - I would have been crying right there with ya!

Jill said...

So heartbreaking, when we are content in the Lord, but then we are reminded that we live in a fallen world. You are so right, it can slap you in the face sometimes when you least expect it. The times that I know it could be coming, I usually can face it, but those unexpected whams! and I mean if you don't bring it to Jesus, right then, oh boy, can it throw you down. Longing for heaven with you. Good post. Btw, you have my permission to have a redo of Mother's Day, when a day allows. :) Love your heart.

J. Smith said...

Josie! You make my heart smile!!

Jessa said...

Oh that just breaks my heart. Praise God for your family loving on little Josie Love.

Beautiful Mess said...

God bless. I am sorry that the minute clinic can't be more educated about treating your sweet girl. UGH!

Thank you for helping others know.

Your baby is precious! Till the WHOLE world knows!

Love, me

Deb said...

Um, I guess I'm behind here, but CAN THEY DO THAT?!?!? You cried, I would have pitched a major fit and embarrassed everyone (most notably, myself). And then cried. Really? They can refuse to treat our precious ones? Oy... I guess I'm glad I know it's an "option" so I can be prepared to respond like a believer and not a crazy mama bear. Ugh. I'm so sorry.

RaVae Erickson said...

My heart breaks for you.... I know it doesn't take away the hurt or change how medical professionals can be so hurtful, but I am so thankful you have such a positive outlook on this now. So thankful HE has enabled you to see past the hurt and to be thankful for the experience.
Your babies are beautiful. Your heart is beautiful.

in a world surrounded by men said...

Forgive my ignorance, but WHY couldn't the clinic treat her? Could you educate those of us who have no experience and knowledge in this area?

Kat said...

Have a few tears...sweet Josie. She is a beautiful blessing from God. Hugs...

James 1:27 Family said...

I hope Josie's ears are better. We've experienced the same kind of rejection and it just stinks! We even had an experience like this is a "real" pediatric doctor's office. I'm so glad to be walking this journey with you. We can hold each other up when ignorance tries to knock us down. Love and hugs to all of you!

Stacy said...

Suzanne,
I'm not quite sure I understand why they couldn't treat her? Would certain antibiotics interfere with her anti-virals? What if you were out of town and had an needed meds for her?

Shonni said...

I am so sorry about the clinic thing!!!
The video of her is so precious.

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

WOW...what an experience....my heart hurts for you and for Josie, and for the many children that go through that rejection daily :( Breaks my heart. So hard......

Momma's heart......

What a beautiful gift...Josie you are soo beautiful!!!

Jeni said...

she's a cute little stinker :)

triplehmoms said...

She reminds me SO MUCH of my youngest that has been home from Guatemala for only 5 months! Our "baby" isn't quite as sneaky as your Josie, but she comes close! As I said yesterday, you just have to laugh at times because otherwise you would lose your sanity!

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suzanne
I am a lover of Jesus. I have the most fabulous husband that anyone woman could ask for. The Lord has blessed us with 7 beautiful children. I started this blog so that friends and family could follow our trip to Uganda to visit Katie Davis. I have decided to keep blogging to help bring orphan awareness to the world around me.
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