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Friday, January 8, 2010

"God's Will for My Life"

I just had to add this pic of my new niece from India (Mia) isnt she precious? Caleb is quite intrigued with her also.
STINKER!!



This post has me feeling many mixed emotions. While adoption has completely changed my life spiritually, emotionally, and has filled me TO THE CORE with joy, it has also taken my days to a WHOLE NEW level of just plain ole HARD. I spend at least an hour each day just sitting in my kitchen floor. Not because it is my seat of choice, but because that just happens to be where I land when my 4,3,and 2 year old all decide that they want me to hold them all at the same time. So, I literally just sit and prop my back up against the cabinets. That way they can all just roll and whine and kiss on my face and they all have plenty of space to just be on top of me all at the same time.@#$?!?!# I usually speak aloud "okay, just take a deep breathe and they'll get distracted in a moment and I can pick up where I left off." Sometimes they do, and other times not, so we just SIT as long as it takes. During the holidays I had 2 weeks of just sitting in the floor. Then 2 more snow days....and I reached my point yesterday. My 6 and 8 year olds decided to argue for 2 hours straight on top of me just sitting in my kitchen floor with the little ones rolling all over me. I screamed at the top of my lungs "I QUIT! I AM QUITTING MY JOB! I AM TIRED, AND YA'LL ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE FOR THIS JOB! I QUIT!" silence.....silence....the look on their faces was as though I had 3 heads! (mama doesn't scream much...I'm not sure why, because it felt really good at the time...My mother never screamed so I guess it is somewhat foreign to me)

I had a sitter come today and I got a chance to get out a little bit (Thank you Lord for sweet Ali!)so I feel much better. I thought about that moment a lot today and I couldn't help but wonder why the Lord has called me to this particular life that I am leading. I can say with certainty that I didn't "choose" it, HE did and I am a little perplexed about it.

One particular part of our adoption story is that the Lord spoke to me AUDIBLY for the first time in my life. Now, I know some of you are thinking "audibly? are you sure? how does that really happen?" and I will be the first one to say that before it happened to me, if you told me that the Lord spoke to YOU audibly I would think "hhmmmm not so sure about that!" SO, I totally understand if you have your doubts. But HE did....clear as day..."I HAVE A CHILD FOR YOU" and he sure did have a child for me! Joshua's birthmom made her adoption plan THE SAME WEEK that I heard those words! I started paying more attention to thoughts that I would have. Sometimes things will just pop into your head about someone or something and you think "where did that come from?" START PAYING ATTENTION...it just might be the HOLY SPIRIT. Most of the time it is. After that moment I started acting on my thoughts. If someone popped into my mind that I hadn't seen in awhile, I would send them a little note in the mail and they would call me later and tell me about something bad that had happened that EXACT day that my note arrived...HOLY SPIRIT! Start paying attention to those little thoughts...the Holy Spirit is sending them to you.
As I look around at the body of Christ these days, the HOLY SPIRIT is missing. I think that we need to forget about "God's will for my life". God cares more about His spirit leading us TODAY than what we intend to do for the next year. We are so caught up in trying to figure out what His will is for our future that we are numb to what he is whispering in our ears TODAY.
Most of the time we are fearful of making mistakes, so we try to figure out what our 20 year plan looks like. He doesn't promise us a plan, He promises us that He will NEVER leave us or forsake us. Or if you feel like I felt yesterday, you want to know what your future holds so that you will see light at the end of the tunnel.
It is much easier to use the phrase "God's will for my life" as an excuse for inaction or even disobedience. It is much less demanding to think about God's will for your future than to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next few minutes. It's safer to commit to following Him SOMEDAY instead of TODAY.
Many of you have heard the Holy Spirit whisper to you about adoption but you choose to ignore it because of ALL of the circumstances that surround you that might make it a hard road to follow. Is that you?
Each of us that know Christ have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. As we walk together through this lifetime, let's pray BOLDLY that we will desire His Spirit to guide us and that we will follow it moment by moment and not quench or resist it. (even if you are sitting in the kitchen floor with children all over you!)

41 comments:

Jim and April said...

Amen! Thanks for this post! Thanks for sharing your honesty of how tough some days of motherhood can be but since we are called by GOd to do this, He will help us get through! I too heard from God concerning our adoption not audibly but as a gentle whisper inside my soul, I heard him say "Go to Uganda" and "my spirit will guide you" ... i truly believe that was Him! It was right after we knew we were going to adopt and I sat down and just told Him, Lord I am here listening and I just sat and listened for Him and boom, I felt that within me! It was awesome! I pray the closer I get to Him the more I can hear His sweet voice!

Jenny said...

thank you SO much for this! you have NO idea how much it has meant to my husband and I for such a time as this!! Really, thanks for allowing Him to speak through you!

Amy said...

Love your honestly. It is hard sometimes isn't it? Yet I am reminded that he didn't promise us it would always be easy so I keep my eyes focused on him. Lots of days sitting on the floor at our house too. ;0) Praying for your family- you are touching many- keep up the good work.

Katie Dunlap said...

Wow! Lot's of great truth here, Suzanne. Thanks for sharing. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for being honest about sitting in the floor, too, because I have a feeling I'll be doing some of that soon. And when that time comes, it will be nice to know that I'm not alone :).

Kendra said...

Thank you for the affirmation that what we are doing it the RIGHT thing to do--I also think when a feeling persists and won't go away it's time to take stock in the way you are leading your life. I couldn't get away from Africa if I tried....God has put me right there and I am sitting back enjoying the ride, waiting for the next encouragement from Him. I too, appreciate your honesty, Suzanne. You are an amazing example that God has set before so many people. Prayers are going up for you all.
Peace,
Kendra

La Dolce Vita said...

Thanks so very much for this. God has been practically SCREAMING these words at me lately. She clearly He is using you to speak to me as well.

Mommyhood is absolutely hard, isn't it? Thanks for being willing to share the hard stuff.

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

Suzanne,

I found myself saying AMEN a few times during this post!

Hebrews warns many times to listen to His voice TODAY! Stop thinking past TODAY. Allow ME GOD to move in your life TODAY!

I have three little ones on me constantly too! Some days it feels like they never get off! I hurt on the days I reject another hug or kiss. I don't ever want them to feel like I don't want them - it is just the actual touching that I'm overloaded on. It is good for Mom's to know and hear they are NOT alone! I praise God for your heart to speak His truth and love!

Hugs sweet friend!
Jill

Kim said...

I love so many things about you Suzanne but your transparecny is at the top of the list. Thank you for keeping it real. What a precious post.
Oh ... how I can relate and remember the days of having a toddler and infant twins all needing / wanting me at the same time which required me to sit in the floor and surrender.
How great that He equips the called vs. calling the equipped!
Love & Blessings from Hong Kong,
Kim

Sara @ It's Good to be Queen said...

so good. i needed to read this today. thank you. thank you.

sarah in the woods said...

Amen! I am right there with you. This is exactly what God has been talking to me about this week. Doing and being what He wants now instead of worrying and planning for the future. I quit sometimes too. It seems to go better when I quit, because then God can take over. Thank you for a lovely post. I'll be praying for you.

Jodi Widhalm said...

Ok, Suzanne -
I'm with you, really I am. I've been listening, and He has spoken to me audibly, too, over this whole thing so I completely believe you. I'm not sure anyone else around me hear Him, but I did, so that's all the matters, right? That was many months ago. Since then, I've found you and Gwen and Katie and a whole host of others..too many to mention. I've read and prayed countless hours.

Then I started hearing whispers of "twins". I just put it out of my mind because who would ever think that? I have three young sons already. Adopt? Yeah, sure. Maybe siblings? Ok. From Africa? Sounds exciting. But twins? That would be really rare and probably never happen, so I didn't say anything to anyone and put it out of my mind.

Guess what? By "coincidence" I came upon a blog and the author goes to MY church. She is adopting, too, from Africa! When she posted about the orphanage, I clicked - and can I just tell you the first picture at the top of the first post? TWINS! Girls!! I have 3 boys, did I tell you?? Here's the kicker - they have TWO older siblings. 2+2=4. 4 in Africa + 3 already here = 7!!!!

Now I'm SCARED!! I don't know if I can do this! 7 - really???? At this moment, they are ages 7,5,4,3,2 and 2 month old twins. What about laundry, what about a vehicle, meals, dishes, vacations, college!!??

HELP!!

Scared in the Ozarks,
Jodi

Heidi said...

Thank you so much for your post and your blog in general...you are an inspiration. You are so real and I love that!

Last year about this time I was doing some researching online (we have been hoping to adopt for years) and I came across an adoption agency that has children from Africa waiting to be adopted. At that moment I felt His presence as clear as day telling me this was what we are meant to do. The problem for us is the financial aspect. We are moving forward and working toward this as a goal I just feel it is somthing that we should be achieving faster than we are able to.

Jennifer said...

Preach it sister!! I am with you 100%...you are in my thoughts and prayers...Jennifer Morrison

Rachel said...

Wow, Suzanne, that is a great thought, and one I needed to hear. I think you are right---if we would stay tuned in to the HS--and OBEY when He prompts, we will find ourselves smack dab in the center of God's will--today! Thanks for sharing!

Lora Lynn @ Vitafamiliae said...

Oh, I hear you. We still haven't brought our little one home yet, but I've got five kids five and under already and so many days I roll my eyes to the heavens and go, "Really, God? You thought this was the job for ME?" I love it. I love my kids. And I know that He sustains me. Which is why I'm nervous about becoming a family of six under six, but I am trusting that nobody but God could have made this our life. And He will carry us through!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing this! I have to say that I have not paid a lot of attention to what the holy spirit is saying to me in the past. Fear I guess. But this past week HE spoke to my husband and I separately with the same message so we know it is from God. It definitely isn't something we would have come up with on our own. So, after confirming with each other what we heard, we obeyed. Wow, we just gave away our car to someone we barely know. Our car. I still can't believe it.

And now I have to pay attention to the adoption He has put on my heart because I know He is speaking to me! No denying it!

Tanya said...

wow! i can soooo relate to you when dealing with toddlers...but you have so much more patience than I do! I avoid getting on the floor as much as possible, knowing I would "get attacked" if I did! Thank you for your encouragement, candor & reminder to "listen to the still small voice" throughout the day. If I let my own thoughts simmer down, sometimes I hear God "speak", telling me this is my job. Don't try to quit, looking for another job that gives me "me" time. I have important work to do here, at home, as a mother, and that may mean getting on the floor sometimes!

Trying to listen to the Holy Spirit's whispers today.

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Totally feel this way- A LOT! With 7 children and one on the way (praying!!) our oldest being 10.....my life feels a lot like that. Thank you for this post. My desire is to listen to HIM and let HIM guide, but as we all know sometimes we are disobediant and don't listen.

Home Sweet Home said...

I cannot tell you what this post has meant to me...tears flow just typing this. I have needed to hear this so badly this week...I wish I could explain more. Thank you , Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Connie
www.homesteadblogger.com/forgiven

Mrs. McGoo said...

AMEN! Great post!
As one that tends to "plan" things... this is such a great reminder. My husband thankfully often reminds me, One day at a time.

Over-Caffeinated X 4 said...

I love this post. I can't believe you are blogging, preaching, and have 250 followers! This from someone who didn't want to blog a year ago! :) You go girl!

This post was great. You are so right. I'm proud of you for sitting in the floor. Sometimes when we are worn out by our biggest blessings it's hard to stop tasking and just bask in the mire of it. But you are doing a great job, by all indications!

By the way, where did you find those cute pom poms in Josie's hair?

See you soon!

Ondrea

Josette said...

I love reading your blog, and like other readers have said, appreciate your honesty and transparency.

I am currently reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and everything you've said goes right along with it!

We have 3 children, our youngest with Down syndrome. God has put orphans on my heart lately in a big way...most specifically ones with Down syndrome in other countries. I am so praying right now for God to help us know what role we have...just not sure yet if adoption is it...especially my husband :) To be honest and transparent myself, I have loved every minute in the floor till now, and homeschool my 3, so they are with me every minute. I'm just not sure (I'm 45 later this month) that I'm physically able to do it all again! I know if that's the direction God sends us he'll work it out. I'm praying and having a hard time deciding WHICH of the voices I hear is His.

I've only been following (all 3 of the 147 million blogs!) a month or so. Every picture of little Josie I see, I think she's maybe the cutest thing I've ever seen. LOVE the pic of her in the tub and with "powder covered doughnut"!

God bless you and your precious multi color (beautifully so!) family.

emily said...

Amen sister to someone that so gets it! Love you dearly. Keep advocating- hoping for a Nashville trip soon.

learningtogether said...

Oh ya! I soooo needed this today! Thank you for writing it down!
Shelley

Ali said...

Girl I hope that you have read these posts above mine because it is affirmation of one of the reasons why yOU ARE DOING WHAT HE HAS CALLED YOU TO! No matter how impossible it feels at the beginning of every day. I couldn't do life without you and love you so so much

auntie ah ah

Sophie Neri said...

Yes indeed some days can be tough, and really do a number on our nerves. I have 6 kids from ages 3 to 19. Numbers 1 & 2 and 4 & 5 are 18 months apart and our youngest is adopted. #'s 2,3 & 5 never, I mean ever slept. Our youngest refuses to nap and she's in our bed every night.I've spent many a day on the floor and many times, without realizing it, I eat standing up, but it's so rewarding knowing I'm doing God's work. Somehow God just gives us the strength to make it through each day. You have a beautiful family and I look forward to following your blog.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your post and your honesty. I think we have way too much faking it in the church. If we were honest with each other it would be soooo much more encouraging for everyone. God and I had a similar discussion yesterday. I started a new medical practice about a year and a half ago, after being miserable where I was for a long time. God clearly spoke to my heart and then my husband's about the decision and then opened every door in amazing ways. However, we opened a business in the midst of a recession, glad I didn't know that at the time, and growth has been slow. Right now, I am wondering how we are going to pay the house payment. I asked God to help me have faith to believe that if I am seeking his kingdom he will be faithful to his promise to give us what we need from day to day (matthew 6). I pleaded for encouragement to help me believe he was listening (OK a lack of faith, but I know He understands). A few hours later a prayer warrior friend of mine called out of the blue--just to check on me because I'd been on her heart the last few weeks. We chatted about our families and she went on to tell me that she had been praying for my practice regularly and wanted me to know. Isn't God cool!!! Thanks for your blog and I am praying for blessings on your today.
Laura

Laura said...

Suzanne, you don't know me, and I'm not sure how I found your blog other than I find myself reading lots of adoption blogs lately and yours is one. Today's post was so good for me. My husband and I have been praying and contemplating adoption for a few months and 2 days ago finally decided to move forward. It comes with so many mixed emotions but mostly fear as I consider the "freedoms" I will lose. I loved the honesty of your post and I relate well as I have 4 and 2 year old boys that love to jump on me when I have the least reserves. To think of another seems absolutely ludicrous except for that Holy Spirit thing!! Last week God gave me John 16:13, "but when He, the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come." I find peace in that as I realize He knows what is best for me and what I can handle and He WILL show me at the right time.
Anyway, thanks for your faith and perseverance as well as for making it public so those like me can witness and be encouraged!

RaVae Erickson said...

Oh Suzanne,
Your honesty compells me to respond in honesty. You see, I have been so overwhelmed with trying to figure out what this year is supposed to hold for me (and my husband) that I had completely forgotten that it doesn't matter! God knows what will happen this year and I don't need to know "His will for my life this year!" The ONLY thing I need to know is that HE knows and HE is using His Holy Spirit to guide me through every day as it comes and goes. All I have to do it LISTEN! Thank you for the reminder to PAY ATTENTION! Thank you for sharing a little bit of your life with us in COMPLETE HONESTY. I, for one, truly appreciate it. And trust me, God is working on my heart and slowly bringing me back around to adoption-maybe even adoption from Uganda!

Much Love Sister!
RaVae

Carrie said...

I needed to read this! The holy spirit had whispered to me about both of our adoptions, but on Dec. 22 I had that whisper again and I am thinking oh really, not until this and this and this happens Lord...you have just inspired me to write a post that has been in my head since that day.
God bless you and your precious family.

Kim said...

Just nominated you for a blog award! Stop by when you can. Love & Blessings from Hong Kong,
Kim

lauradodson said...

ya know, everytime i pop over here and read what you written for that day it touches a spot in my heart and i breathe. i come away with, "oh. ok. you can breathe laura. inhale. exhale."

today was espeically good because I LIKE TO PLAN. My mother plans years in advance, and that is what I like... my life set in stone. it gives me security...or at least self-imposed security. but it also weedles out flexibility and the willingness on my part to sit on the floor and let 3 little people roll all over me.

thanks for sharing your heart.

David and Marianne said...

Suzanne,
I've been reading yours and Gwen's blogs as often as I can, trying to get to know you both before you come speak at our conference in Feb.(Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten). I couldn't help but feel relief? comradery? empathy? as I read the beginning of your post about sitting on the kitchen floor. Although my own life may seem a piece of cake to you compared to the responsibility you bear, I also have found myself on a journey I wouldn't have chosen, but out of faith, grace and love, it was chosen for me : ) I also have 8 and 6 yr.old boys and then an adopted daughter that is 2 and then our unexpected gift from God during our adoption process, a biological daughter 5mos. younger. My 2 girls, particularly at this developmental stage, regularly drain me of EVERYTHING : ) Thanks for sharing... for a moment, I felt like I was normal : ) The Lord encouraged me last night in Hebrews 10:32 to the end of the chapter. We NEED endurance as moms of the TRUTH and must not throw away our confidence. I pray you will receive some due encouragement too if you are able to breathe in these verses.

Our whole team is looking forward to meeting you both... especially Lisa K. and me!!

From a full heart... said...

Wow. Thank you for being so honest and real. It is much needed by this sometimes (ok, OFTEN) frazzled mom who sometimes (ok, OFTEN) wonders if we are crazy to be seeking out more children when my hands seem so full with four. But full is full...whether it is 4 or 6 or 8 kids. Frustrating days will come and that does not negate God's calling! Bless you, sweet sister, as you mother all those precious kids.

Jeanine

TanyaLea said...

Wow...what a great post! This was my first visit to your blog. I found you through our mutual friend Kim, who honored us both with the same mutual bloggy award! ;)

What a great time to stop by. I'm sure glad I did. You are so transparent and I LOVE it! Thanks for being so real. I became a follower so that I can continue to read your posts. You have so much to offer so many! Thank you for sharing so honestly from your heart. It is very refreshing!

Blessings and Hugs,
~ Tanya

The Ferrill's said...

Suzanne, you nailed it. No, GOD nailed it through you. I love this and needed to be reminded to focus my desires on what God wants me to do TODAY...THANK YOU!

Rachelle said...

Awesome post!! That was me back in 2005. God was telling me to adopt, but I DID NOT want to. Today, we have had our China daughter for 3 years : ) I feel your pain on the floor with all the kids, & the screaming,... bless you!

Kristi J said...

What a great post!! I feel for ya...You can always find me on the floor holding my 4, 2 and 1 yr. old AND I have the 6 and 7 yr. old beside me acting up too :) Know I'm here with ya...surviving :) Ok...you still have it harder..I don't have the older two...that is still two more people to keep happy I don't have :) hope to see yall soon, kj

Renee said...

Loved this post, sister. You are taking after your daddy and starting to PREACH! :) Preach on, sis! God is certainly using your voice to tell His story, and it inspires me so much! Everyone has said it, but your transparency is REFRESHING and encouraging. I wonder if you are reading Francis Chan's Forgotten God...if not, you certainly would enjoy it. It's about the very thing you were writing about! And you know I'll come take a turn a turn in the kitchen floor with your babies! :) Love you!

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for your complete HONESTY!!!
I'm so blessed by following your blog and watching the way God is using you and your family and 147millionorphans . . . you, Gwen and Katie are such inspirations!

allison p - montgomery alabama

Lauren said...

Thank you so much for sharing this truth with boldness. It is so where I am in life right now on so many levels, I know the Lord lead me right to it!

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suzanne
I am a lover of Jesus. I have the most fabulous husband that anyone woman could ask for. The Lord has blessed us with 7 beautiful children. I started this blog so that friends and family could follow our trip to Uganda to visit Katie Davis. I have decided to keep blogging to help bring orphan awareness to the world around me.
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